Reflections on the year that was, 2019

Every year, before the craziness of the holidays hits, I like to spend some time reflecting on the year that was, looking back on the goals that I set for myself and setting new goals for the year ahead. As I sit here with a glass (read: bottle) of Moët, trying to pull all of my deepest realisations of this year into a single blog post I find it quite difficult to articulate the year that was 2019. This year was simultaneously the best and worst year of my life. Enlightening, yet devastating. A year of setbacks, but also filled with so much growth.

A few weeks ago someone asked me what my highlight of 2019 was and honestly, I can’t pinpoint one single moment. In fact, I didn’t do anything particularly exciting. I didn’t travel the world, fall in love or anything of a magnitude worth defining as the ‘highlight’ of my year. 2019 for me, was a steep learning curve. This year shattered my spirit and broke my heart, over and over again. The situations that I was faced with this year forced me to grow up very quickly and taught me that the universe can alter my entire life with every seemingly insignificant decision that I make.

The start of 2019 feels like an unfamiliar blur. For the most part, I honestly don’t remember it. It sounds melodramatic to say that my world felt as though it came crashing down around me, but I don’t have any other way to put the feeling into words. Admittedly, I have never been the best at keeping my emotions under control. I have a soft heart and I feel everything. I am still uncertain as to whether this is my greatest strength or my greatest fundamental flaw.

Did the heartbreak change me? Maybe (points if you get the reference.) I am the first to admit that I am a completely different person to who I was a year ago. I’ve become more resilient, confident and stronger than I have been in my entire life. There is nothing like hitting rock bottom and losing everything to keep a girl humble, right?

I often wish that I could hit the reset button and have a total retake on this year but in reality I wouldn’t change a single thing. Did I make stupid decisions? Absolutely. Did I self-destruct on occasion? Of course. Am I grateful for everything that I learned this year? Without a doubt.

So here you have it, the biggest lessons I have taken from 2019:

1. Not everyone you meet will share your morals.

2. If someone values you, they will make you a priority and make time for you.

3. Some people value superficial things like money, status, power and sex over real experiences and connections. You cannot change them.

4. Narcissists will NEVER change, despite how much they tell you they are trying to be a better person. Some people really only care about themselves. CUT THEM OFF!

5. The best friends aren’t necessarily the ones you see everyday or even every week, but rather the ones that drop everything to help you when you need it. Keep these people around.

6. It is okay to ask for help, from friends, family or professionals. Seeking help does not make you weak. Actually quite the opposite.

7. Despite what your mum told you as a kid, you can meet some pretty cool people on the internet.

8. Contrary to popular belief, posting booty pics on instagram doesn’t make you a whore.

9. You can still be friends with your ex. When you spend years building a relationship with someone based primarily on friendship, trust and respect it is absolutely possible.

10. No matter how great someone is at communicating their feelings, you will never fully understand what is going on in their mind or why they feel a certain way. Thus, you should never rely on anyone else to give you closure. You need to find this within yourself.

11. You can lose weight, be healthy and still eat a fucking hamburger every now and then. You do not need to starve yourself girl!

12. SELF LOVE IS PARAMOUNT! Put as much effort into building a relationship with yourself as you do keeping relationships with others alive and watch how quickly your life changes.

Now, I could elaborate into the finer details of everything that happened to me this year (spill the tea, if you will) but you would be here for days and your honest reaction would likely be ‘WTF?’ Truthfully, I’m not ready to share this part of my story with the world yet. I may never be, or I may get a random wave of courage 5 years from now and decide to write a 300 page tell all self-help book. Who knows? The possibilities are endless.
Sometimes we can reflect on the year that was and think that we really achieved nothing, but as it happens some periods of our life are set to challenge and grow us for the next chapter. So, if all you achieved this year was to keep yourself alive, I am proud of you and you should be proud of yourself.

Here’s to leaving the things that no longer serve us in 2019 and here’s to 2020 being the best one yet.

All my love,

Jaime x

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